we're blogging at a bar
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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