You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
