Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
