Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
