Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
