i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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