oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
