I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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