My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize