His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
