I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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