Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
he shaved USA in his pubs
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize