My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
