It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize