I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
