I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
zippers are such a cool invention
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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