We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
