Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
