I feel like I'm in dance class right now
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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