My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
