I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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