2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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