just come out here and I will go home with you...
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
