I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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