I'm jealous of your bromance
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
