i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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