So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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