I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
