I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
