So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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