You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize