im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
