my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
