Non-Jews are for practice
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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