i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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