there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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