Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Randomize
