I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
