why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
