my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I just found puke in my bra..
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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