If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
