Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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