I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
i drank out of a bidet.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
