i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
