the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
