dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
