as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
