i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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