just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
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