youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
