So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Dignity is for republicans.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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