if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
