There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
