im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
