Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Randomize
