WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
