There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
It's blow job season.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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