I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
