I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
