My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
