pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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