and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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