i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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