sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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