sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
