the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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