Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
