Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize