Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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